Some Thoughts About Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a big word. We give it, we receive it but what does it really mean?
What does "to forgive someone"/"to be forgiven" imply?
Does it mean: I hurt someone, I say "I am sorry" and live on?
Or: Someone does me harm, says "I'm sorry" and everything is fine?
What about the wounds in our souls and minds?
Cicatrized and forgotten? Or cicatrized and NOT forgotten?
What about the open wounds?

We all have offended, hurt or wounded someone. Consciously or not. We all have asked for forgiveness. It's part of life.
But when is "something" really forgiven? When are you really forgiven for what you did?
Is hearing "I'm sorry" enough? Are there situations that are "unforgivable"?
Is something forgiven when it no longer hurts? When it's forgotten?
What about the wounds that no longer hurt but are not forgotten?
Oh my. It's complicated.

I can't speak for everybody but I know my wounds.
Hearing "I'm sorry" helps.
Time certainly helps as well.
Understanding why a person did what he did/said what she said, too.
Accepting my soul's wounds as part of life also.
What about trust though?

I had to turn 50 to understand that to forgive someone doesn't automatically include trusting again.
What a big relief to realize that I could indeed forgive someone but that I could, at the same time, decide not to trust this person any longer. I may trust again in the future. Just not for the time being.

I don't know who Henry Cloud was but he certainly was a wise man :-)

Learning Types

On Friday, in class, we talked about the different kind of learning types (auditory, visual, motor, communicative) and our teacher suggested that we take a short quiz to determine what kind of type we were.
The results of my test were mixed, as it's the case with most people. One result though made me laugh. The line where I had to insert the answers related to the "visual" type … stayed empty.
Zero, nothing, nada, niente.
That made me think of my flute lessons and I had to restrain laughter.

A few month into my flute practice, my teacher tried to explain "the rhythm" of a song by telling me how "this part of the song is like a dot", continuing with "and then comes a part that is like a wave and the last part is more like a straight line".
I remember trying very hard to "see" what she was talking about but I couldn't. No dot nor wave nor straight line made me understand how to play what we were practicing. I trusted her judgement though and I kept trying … and trying … and trying. It was only after a couple of lessons that I admitted defeat. She tried a different approach that made me (finally!) understand.

Therefore, my Friday's quiz results made totally sense to me. Explaining music by visualizing dots, lines and waves felt like something out of space :-) Now I know why :-)

February Wish

We live in a time (at least it seems to me) where everything has to go or to be better, faster, bigger, greater. No period of apprenticeship is allowed. We need to be ready to take on the world right away.
And if we do not succeed immediately we either blame the others, our bosses, the world, society, the immigrants, our parents (you name it).
But we (usually) never think that, maybe, just maybe, we didn't give "it" enough time.

Well, yes, because, you know, we tend to forget that achiving something takes courage, perseverance and ... time.
Yes, time.
Rome wasn't built in a day kind of time :-)

I decided that February would be the perfect month to get more conscious about ... giving time time.
It takes patience and faith but the results are so totally rewarding :-)
It's worth giving it a try!

Going Back To School

I spent many moments, these last couple of years, thinking about how my life … kind of was missing something. Something I couldn't put a name on. I was happy with my life but … Aah, if it weren't for the frigging BUT. A but I couldn't for the life of me define more specifically. My loving and well-meaning friends often suggested that, maybe, I needed some radical change like a new job or apartment, maybe a new look, a new hairdo? It was kind of them to want to help but it wasn't that.
I was looking for something to add to my life (that I love). I knew that no new job, no new apartment and even less a new hairdo would make my inner "but" go away.
I kept repeating to my (wonderful) friends: I want something in addition to what I already have. Something that makes sense. Something that fits.
But what, they'd ask.
Well, I don't know yet, I used to reply. But I will know when "it" will present itself.

"It" presented itself last autumn. And it made sense. And it fit. It was a "why didn't I think of it earlier?" kind of moment.
[Proof that life is ready when it is and not a minute earlier]

I want to put my language skills to good use. I want to hold lessons/teach classes to adults. In order to do that I first have to go back to school. The course is called "Adult Educator" (Erwachsenenbildner in German) and I'll learn how to teach languages to adults.
Some of you may think: what??? That's it?? Nothing more spectacular?
Well, no, nothing more spectacular. because I'm not looking for a spectacular life. I want an authentic life. One in which I recognize myself.

Therefore, I'll keep my job, my apartment (and my hairdo hahaha) and will hold German, English, French and Italian lessons in addition. There are already a couple of ideas buzzing in my head but first I'll put my time and my energy in my weekly classes to get my diploma (course lasts until mid-July).
I feel energized and happy!
Folks, I am going back to school. Isn't that exciting??

The Good Attitude

January is almost over, can you believe it? And I haven't shared one thought with you all. This start into 2019 has been calm; patience being the key word.
I was waiting for the green light for some classes I decided to take (I will talk about it in my next post) (I've been on the school's list for two months now but the term for applications was only last week hence my waiting).

So, I kept calm ... with a good attitude ... until the go-ahead to the class happened and here I am, writing again ... happy and thankful for this first step of my Plan A for 2019 (Plan B would have been okay as well but, you know, the first idea is always the best!).

January Wish

The older I get the more I realize how important it is to start my year gently. The new year will unfold itself anyway ... therefore, no need to try too hard "to get things going" these first couple of days. Go for it (whatever "it" is for you) but do it gently, with grace.
I feel like (and wish for) taking my time and accepting the unexpected.

Well, you know, the year is only 9 days old but it already confronted me with the unexpected.
Small things, good things, but unexpected nevertheless.

Like the time my landlady handed me a free ticket to a concert (Vivaldi's Four Seasons). That evening it was raining and I wasn't really in the mood to go out (you know, the usual haha). In addition, the Four Seasons weren't my first choice but on the other hand why waste a free ticket?
I went and guess what? I ended up enjoying myself very much because, unexpectedly, during the Summer part of the piece, they replaced the first violin with a saxophone player. Wow. Just wow. So cool and so ... unexpected. haha

That was the moment I decided that this would be my monthly wish for this first month of 2019.

Happy 2019!

I can feel it. It's gonna be a wonderful one :-)